I remember sitting across from my therapist. I could not pin-point the feeling I have experienced for pretty much all my life.
I had this really painful feeling sitting in my stomach whenever I thought I would be "found out". I was hiding Shameful feelings of being Dumb, Forgetful, Klutzy and Inferior.
Shame manifests itself from either teachers, caregivers, kids at school when we are humiliated and embarrassed from something that we did, said or maybe the way that we look. As I learned, it also manifests from your earliest days of being a child when we are made to feel bad. The only logical way to process and survive is to blame ourselves because our caregivers are our gods, we have no way of understanding that we aren't bad, so we take those shameful feelings in and blame ourselves to survive our environment.
One of the events in my life that deepened my Shame was when I started a new Middle School. I was in sixth grade and I made friends with a group of girls that I invited over to my house. Days later when I called one of the girls she told me that she could not be friends with me because if she was, the other girls wouldn't be friends with her. Ever since that day, I found myself feeling and acting shameful which left me isolated and targeted to be bullied and made fun of throughout Middle School. I now can look back as an adult and understand that those kids didn't understand why I was different, they couldn't even process it at that time, they were being kids. My parents were going through a divorce. My Addict Mother had custody of us and my Father was a Raging Narc. My Mother had us shopping for school clothes at the Salvation Army and would get food from the Church. I went from living in a Upper-Middle class home with Mom and Dad, to living in poverty with abuse and neglect from all angles. My Father would embarrass me when he had visitation rights by saying "stock up" when we were eating over a family members house, or out to eat with him implying that we had no food at my Mom's house. If I would bump into something my Dad would say "Are you sure you are alright, can you see, is there something wrong with you and laugh condescendingly about me being a Klutz, calling me Dizzy and implying that I was a complete mess.
THREE WAYS TO OVERCOME SHAME
1. Talk about your shameful feelings to a safe friend, family member, counselor or therapist. Once you get it out in the open it is no longer hidden and slowely you heal from exposing those feelings.
2. Write about your shame. Uncover the truth, learn about shame, the more you know about what shame is, you understand it isn't yours and develope new ways of cognitive thinking to combat it.
3. Commit to your well-being, be gentle with yourself but also challenge yourself to transform into a more positive person by doing affirmations, getting with a counselor or therapist and replacing negative thoughts with the truth. Truth always brings light, it kills the fungus of the deception you are a shameful person. The truth is you are a worthwhile, lovable and valuable human being. There are many blessings of lifes challenges even if they look ugly on the outside!
I had this really painful feeling sitting in my stomach whenever I thought I would be "found out". I was hiding Shameful feelings of being Dumb, Forgetful, Klutzy and Inferior.
Shame manifests itself from either teachers, caregivers, kids at school when we are humiliated and embarrassed from something that we did, said or maybe the way that we look. As I learned, it also manifests from your earliest days of being a child when we are made to feel bad. The only logical way to process and survive is to blame ourselves because our caregivers are our gods, we have no way of understanding that we aren't bad, so we take those shameful feelings in and blame ourselves to survive our environment.
One of the events in my life that deepened my Shame was when I started a new Middle School. I was in sixth grade and I made friends with a group of girls that I invited over to my house. Days later when I called one of the girls she told me that she could not be friends with me because if she was, the other girls wouldn't be friends with her. Ever since that day, I found myself feeling and acting shameful which left me isolated and targeted to be bullied and made fun of throughout Middle School. I now can look back as an adult and understand that those kids didn't understand why I was different, they couldn't even process it at that time, they were being kids. My parents were going through a divorce. My Addict Mother had custody of us and my Father was a Raging Narc. My Mother had us shopping for school clothes at the Salvation Army and would get food from the Church. I went from living in a Upper-Middle class home with Mom and Dad, to living in poverty with abuse and neglect from all angles. My Father would embarrass me when he had visitation rights by saying "stock up" when we were eating over a family members house, or out to eat with him implying that we had no food at my Mom's house. If I would bump into something my Dad would say "Are you sure you are alright, can you see, is there something wrong with you and laugh condescendingly about me being a Klutz, calling me Dizzy and implying that I was a complete mess.
THREE WAYS TO OVERCOME SHAME
1. Talk about your shameful feelings to a safe friend, family member, counselor or therapist. Once you get it out in the open it is no longer hidden and slowely you heal from exposing those feelings.
2. Write about your shame. Uncover the truth, learn about shame, the more you know about what shame is, you understand it isn't yours and develope new ways of cognitive thinking to combat it.
3. Commit to your well-being, be gentle with yourself but also challenge yourself to transform into a more positive person by doing affirmations, getting with a counselor or therapist and replacing negative thoughts with the truth. Truth always brings light, it kills the fungus of the deception you are a shameful person. The truth is you are a worthwhile, lovable and valuable human being. There are many blessings of lifes challenges even if they look ugly on the outside!
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